Panic runs rampant as a new computer bug, nicknamed the “retro virus” spread across America at a devastating rate. 
This malignant software stops computer users from being able to use Mozilla Firefox, Opera and other popular web browsers. Instead, it forces the use of Internet Explorer 7.
“This is the most genius virus we’ve ever seen. By forcing everyone to start using IE, it has literally set technology back 100 years” said CNET editor Jai Lee. He added: “Imagine having to use a horse and buggie instead of your car”. The Director of the NSA recently declared it a national emergency, pointing out that “the entire U.S defense system is useless on Internet Explorer”.
The news is not bad for all, however. Apple announced that its Safari web browser was still 100% functional. The 6 mac users worldwide were ecstatic. It became rather embarrassing when rival giant Microsoft had to admit that it “was unable to process any requests due to internet browser issues”. An insider commented that “IE is basically a 3rd world product. Everyone around here stopped using it back when Firefox came out. We didn’t even know people still had it on their computers.”
A recent medical journal has released a publication on the possible benefits and repercussions of this epidemic. It points out that using the browser for more than 10 minutes has lead to several suicides and even more computer-related homicides. It has however, shown that the child obesity problem may be solved: “Sure these obese kids are lazy. But they’d rather be taken away to fat camp than surf the web on IE 7.”
Although internet business has virtually come to a halt, there are optimistic projections for the economy. Several of the administration top analysts foresee a huge industry boom in less than a week, as “millions of frustrated Americans buy new computers instead of using Internet Explorer”.
Lemon Snickers installed Linux to avoid using IE 7.
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1 Internet Explorer Problem » Blog Archive » Virus forces use of Internet Explorer browser–National Emergency … // Jan 11, 2008 at 7:05 pm
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2 Virus forces use of Internet Explorer browser–National Emergency Declared // Jan 11, 2008 at 7:13 pm
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3 Internet Explorer Mac » Blog Archive » Virus forces use of Internet Explorer browser–National Emergency … // Jan 11, 2008 at 9:23 pm
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4 Internet Explorer 7 » Virus forces use of Internet Explorer browser–National Emergency … // Jan 12, 2008 at 2:33 am
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