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Entries from January 2008

Edwards to America: PSYCHE

January 30th, 2008 · 1 Comment

When John Edwards announced today he was dropping out of the Democratic bid for presidency, media pundits everywhere wasted no time is predicting which of his former rivals he would decide to endorse. The real twist came late this evening, when he finally decided to endorse his candidate of choice–himself.
In fact, it seems Edward’s was [...]

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Tags: 2008 Election · Politics

The Onion finally closes < sarcasm > tag

January 28th, 2008 · 2 Comments

After a decade, The Onion has announced it has corrected a computer error that has been detrimental to its reputation. The news source, known for its humorous parodies of real news, has stated that the ongoing problem has finally been addressed, when they located and closed an open <sarcasm> tag.
“It appears as though the initial [...]

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Tags: Entertainment

50 Cent challenges Obama to rap battle

January 21st, 2008 · 13 Comments

In a bizarre press release, rapper Curtis Jackson (better known by his stage name, 50 Cent) has challenged Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama to a rap battle. For the many who are confused: a rap battle is a formal competition between two parties through use of rap insults.
Many have likened Mr. Jackson’s deceleration to [...]

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Tags: Entertainment

Iran Pinky Swears Bush: No Nuclear Weapons

January 15th, 2008 · 5 Comments

People all around the world can breathe easy, announced President George W. Bush, as he has personally been pinky sworn by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad that the nation will not pursue nuclear development.
“I know it’s hard to understand for us Americans,” said the commander-in-chief, “but in the Middle East, the legal system is so backed [...]

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Tags: International

GTA IV: Prostitute to look like Hilary Clinton

January 13th, 2008 · 191 Comments

Rockstar Games–known for breaking all sorts of cultural boundaries– has shattered a new one. In a blog post press release, the maker of the hit Grand Theft Auto series announced that the prostitutes in the new game will look like democratic presidential candidate Hilary Clinton.
Clinton, who once cited the game as “the cause of World [...]

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Tags: Entertainment

Virus forces use of Internet Explorer browser–National Emergency Declared

January 11th, 2008 · 8 Comments

Panic runs rampant as a new computer bug, nicknamed the “retro virus” spread across America at a devastating rate. This malignant software stops computer users from being able to use Mozilla Firefox, Opera and other popular web browsers. Instead, it forces the use of Internet Explorer 7.
“This is the most genius virus we’ve [...]

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Tags: Technology

Obama: New Hampshire is Racist

January 9th, 2008 · 5 Comments

Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama surprised his followers in today’s losing speech when he reprimanded New Hampshire voters: “I think it’s pretty obvious what went on in New Hampshire. Voters didn’t agree with my skin color”. Although initially shocked, the media responded with overwhelming agreement.
MSNBC has announced it will run a week long special called [...]

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Tags: 2008 Election · Politics

Bush to Al-Qaeda: All your base are belong to us

January 7th, 2008 · 6 Comments

President Bush shocked the world today by giving his most monumental statement on the war on terror since his “Mission Accomplished” speech. In a statement to Al-Qaeda networks, he stated: “All your base are belong to us“.
Apparently at 9:30AM this morning, President Bush became so enraged with the terrorist group that he claimed Iraqi property [...]

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Tags: International

Rap star Jay-Z launches “No Homo” clothing line

January 6th, 2008 · 9 Comments

After selling off his Rocawear clothing line back in 2007 for over 200 million U.S, rap mogul Jay-Z (Sean Carter) has announced his intention to start another clothing line: No Homo Jeans. He held a press conference yesterday, laughing about his previous sale: “Rocawear was too fagg*t anyways…No Homo clothing is for all the real [...]

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Tags: Entertainment